Love or Lust
If Venus, the goddess of love, is the mother of Cupid, the god of lust, one must be tempted to say that love came before desire ? but what is the truth ?
This is not an attempt to define what is love, or lust, but let's assign them a temporary definition that we can build upon it :
Love : Will encompass here all that is sentimental : when you enjoy talking to someone, when you keep thinking about a person, the need to be constantly with that person, etc...
Lust : The Raw natural attraction, generally bounded to the physique of the other person, where you desire the other person without knowing them who they are, very often driven by the need or the craving of sexual intimacy.
When two persons meet, what is more important to be present between two persons ? love or lust ? This is an attempt to describe how I actually think about the subject :
The first time two persons meet, what is the first thing you notice ? a girl's personality ? From a male standpoint, it is mainly the beauty of a girl that hooks him in the first place, it gives him enough courage to go talk to her in order to know her, or whatever his intentions are : casual or serious. So for Males it is generally lust that ignites their needs. Most of the time what comes in a man's head is : is she fuckable ? not is she mariable ?, is she good in bed? not is she sweet ? because that is what hormones dictates to the body, the dopamine generated from lust for a man is much bigger than love (at that point).
Now from a girl standpoint, what makes her interested in a guy in the first place ? I believe that girls are slightly different from men : yes they get attracted by lust first, but for a limited group of men, generally men she thinks deep down are out of her league, but this is fortunately not the general case :
Women are generally attracted to men in action : a coworker that is good at his job, a classmate that brings a fun energy to the classroom, a sportsman, musician, etc... she has the time to look at him living his life, or when a man is bold enough to talk to here directly (without being creepy), it shows he has some courage, these are the skills that attract a girl and lets her open up to a man, but is this considered love or lust ?
You cannot deny that a certain level of physical attraction between the two is needed in order to have some chemistry going on, but I believe that how you make the girl feel, and striking at the right time is the secret to bringing out her hidden side ,it is the role of the man to raise the sexual tension between the two, but not with a direct approach, a gentler, adapted to the uniqueness of each girl, yet direct enough to convey his intentions. When you get to know a girl, It is compulsory to not wait too much in order to start escalating the discussion intimacy wise between you two, otherwise you will fall in the friendzone, if you do not bring out her deepest hidden desires, she cannot consider you her man. Now if she is not responsive to your approach, no harm in that, every girl is different, keep talking and finding clues about her, or you will find out that simply you are not her taste, but at least you should always give her a chance to enjoy the pleasure of sexual tension.
Now what should you follow, love or lust ? I believe that one cannot exist without the other : You can have a hookup built entirely on lust, both of you are not genuinely interested in the other one, you are here for the thrill and the shot of dopamine everytime you encounter, you will feel temporary fulfillment, it looks like it is the right way to live, you hook up for 3-5 months, get bored, get excited by talking to a new girl, etc etc
I think that a man should have some hookups in order to find what he truly wants, and gain enough experience to treat well the girl he will choose someday, girls on the other hand, should NOT hookup if they want to preserve their value as beautiful women, the call of the void each woman has become stronger everytime she hooks up, every hookup she has is one step away from her true happiness, the instant dopamine is so high she gets addicted : Think of it like fast food : Do you see guys eating entire jars of nutella ? I want to believe not, a man can enjoy for some time a spoon or two of nutella, but at a certain point he can entirely stop eating nutella for some healthy chocolate. Girls on the other hand ? I think they find it physically hard to stop eating Nutella once she ate too much of it ? will she come back to eating healthy chocolate ? I hope so. But this is not her fault, she was born like this, and pushed to eat Nutella, if there was only healthy chocolat in the market, she would have never thought of Nutella.
Now what should you look for when meeting a new person ? hookups or serious relationships ? I don't like the word serious, I prefer genuine relationship : The secret for me is to have a healthy amount of lust first, enough sexual tension, be genuinely interested in the person you are talking to, does she or he meets the standards and qualities you believe are important to you for a long term partner ? are you both physically compatible ? I believe that the highest amount of dopamine can only be reached with a person you lusted first, then you loved her, "Every shy girl fucks different, every slut fucks the same". There is no love before lust.
Love and lust should both be present in a relationship to make it work, lust is the glue that keeps the body attached to your loved one, there are many cases of marriages where there is a dead bedroom, the man loves his wife, but she is not getting intimate with him, for whatever reason, so he empties his lust by cheating in order to keep his loved one, because for a 1000 girl, you can lust over all of them, but only love one.